so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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