I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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