Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
