we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
