im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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