guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
