On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
