i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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