Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
