Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
