Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
