You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize