thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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