Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
