Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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