YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Someone signed my nipple.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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