I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
