remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
