the condom got lost in my hair
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize