Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
