Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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