are you still at the devil's house?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize