I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
