My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
