So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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