Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
