we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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