just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
