for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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