Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
