she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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