I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
