Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
