I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize