Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
