if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Semen is not good for contacts.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
