Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
