new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
