He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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