u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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