I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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