my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
