My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
