Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
