So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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