3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
