a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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