and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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