I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We have started to decorate penises.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
