I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
