She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
