hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
