I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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