my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
3 2 1 whiskey
We need a shit load of segways right now
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