Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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