Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
