I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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