he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
