I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
