just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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