He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
