meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize