Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
