You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Holy sore nipples Batman
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
