no one should ever give us hovercrafts
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
