dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
