I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
