i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
