Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
