Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
